If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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