I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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