I'm gonna have a badass scar
is wine microwaveable?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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