I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
