but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
