youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
