Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
