there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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