I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
