hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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