Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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