Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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