Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Houston, we have a blender
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize