Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
