You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
