are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
