apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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