i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
