it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
