I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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