Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
