i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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