dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize