And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
