i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
