And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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