Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
