I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Pants are for mortals
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize