she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
