So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
