1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
