Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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