It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
