Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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