There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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