Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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