It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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