You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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