Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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