Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
