he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
