HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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