I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
