There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
