Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
