Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
