i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
