i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
this is an emotional support booty call
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
