His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
