Don't EVER smell your tampon
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
