I'm going to jail i love you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
