i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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