my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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