i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
