Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
