The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my shit smells like andre
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
