i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
