The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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