Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
