I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
