Apparently you make a good broom.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
