it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
