Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
