Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
