Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
