Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
