capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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