Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
