My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
