Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
