When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
