i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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