dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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