he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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