theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
