I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
