I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
