How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
