I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize