Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
