ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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