His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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