So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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