Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
