I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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