This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
