i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
