just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
