im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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