I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
