did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
