so explain again why im purple
no
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
