dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
