If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize