Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
