I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
