shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
