I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
