Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
