just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
